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 hold me down, jackson/kef
Marcus Kane
 Posted: Jan 8 2018, 04:15 PM
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chancellor
player: theo
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well my heart is gold
& my hands are cold
Six months. They had sixth months until the end of the world. The end of the world for a second time. It seemed woefully ironic that after everything they'd done to bring their people back to earth, to keep them alive, that they were yet again faced with an apocalypse as their ancestors before them. But this time there was no Ark to save them. They wouldn't be returning to space, there weren't the resources for that. They were earthbound and if they couldn't find a safe place to ride out the impending radioactive fallout then their people, the grounders, the entire human race was in danger of extinction. It was exactly what they were trying to stop from the start and now they didn't have any time to spare. The countdown had already begun.

A team had been sent to the fallout shelter that could be their saving grace and while Marcus hoped that it would be a solution to their problem, he'd never been much of an optimist. He knew better than to put the survival of their people on the hope that an old bunker built long before his time would be up to par. And even if it was there was the matter of resources that would last them through the radiation. They were looking for other solutions as well and in the mean time there was still peace to be made and maintained between themselves and the other clans. If they were going to survive, they needed to last the next sixth months at the very least.

It hadn't been long since the city of light had fallen but Marcus couldn't help his mind drifting back to it in spite of what needed to be done. He needed to focus. It was difficult to when he was drawn back to it every time he closed his eyes, in his sleep- or what little of it he was getting. The pain lancing through him where he hung on that cross. Watching Abby place that gun against her own head. The blissful release of the chip. He'd felt nothing. No pain, no sympathy, no happiness or sorrow. He'd been numb and he'd enjoyed it, the escape. He could still remember it all. Fighting his own people, shooting to kill. There was no remorse, nothing whatsoever as he'd pursued a single-minded goal. Stop them. Forcing his way through their barricade. His hands around Bellamy's throat.

And when he'd been released from it, everything had hit him at once. Pain. Physical, mental. He'd let go of Bellamy but the realization of what he'd done suddenly registered. Guilt. An overwhelming amount of emotion, as though everything that the chip had blocked in the hours since he'd taken it was all flooding through him at once. He had taken the comfort Abby had provided without thought and pulled himself together because he'd had to. There were others struggling, reeling from the experience, and his people had needed him. He hadn't quite worked through all of it for himself yet. Ignoring it seemed to be the better option at present.

The latest return trip from Polis had left him weary, though he found himself exhausted more often than not these days. He'd not even had time to recover from his latest injuries after ALIE had been taken care of. But there are more important things to consider than aches and pains and he'd been working through it in spite of Abby's concerns. His wrists were healing but not quickly enough and he'd been tending to them himself for the most part, not wanting to worry her. Once again he found himself in the infirmary to change his bandages. He peeled off the dirty ones carefully and cleaned his wounds as he'd been instructed, jaw clenched through the pain.

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Eric Jackson
 Posted: Jan 10 2018, 10:44 AM
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doctor
player: kef
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Jackson was a failure. He had let them get to him, let them convince him that the City of Light was a good thing; let them think that his pain was bad enough that he had to make it disappear. So he'd taken the chip, forgot everything, lost himself, and he hadn't even realized it. Not until the City of Light was destroyed. Jackson hated himself for the things he had down while under ALIE's influence. He had been willing to let Raven die. While they were still in Polis, he had refused to allow himself to break apart - people needed help, and he could do that. There were so many wounded. Jackson tried to focus on the memory of his mother, the person he couldn't help. Now he could remember her; now he could remember why he had decided to become a doctor in the first place. It fueled him, pushed him harder and harder, and he worked non-stop until everyone who needed help - who would accept the help of a Sky person - was helped.

Then he came home - as much a home as they had on the ground, anyways.

The last time he'd been in Arkadia, he'd been under the influence of the chip. He swallowed the lump that formed in his throat anytime the memory stirred, pushed it down as deep as it would go. He wasn't ready to deal with it. Not yet. Each day, it got a little easier. Jackson was still broken, though; he knew he had failed his mother, even if she wasn't here to know about it. He had put himself, his own pain, above everyone else, and he'd taken the damn chip. The decision gnawed away at him, and he couldn't help but to wonder if it would ever stop, if the regret would ever go away. It didn't feel like it.

With a long, heaving sigh, Jackson moved through the corridors of what had once been Alpha station. Now it was Arkadia, now it was home to everyone who had survived the crash to Earth. At least, everyone they'd managed to find. Jackson looked down at the list in his hand; he needed to check on their supplies, take an inventory of what remained. They were going to need to start rationing - they probably didn't even have enough to last another year, let alone a few months without rationing. With any luck, they'd have enough chemists to begin fabricating medicines from what they could find on the ground. Since when had they ever been lucky, though? Another sigh passed his lips as he walked through the doorway into medical. He'd expected it to be empty, but as he pulled his gaze away from the list in his hand, his eyes settled on the form of Marcus Kane.

After a fraction of a second of surprise, Jackson realized the man was changing his own bandages. Hurriedly, he set down his list on the nearest surface. "Let me," he offered, his voice calm, reassuring. He reached out to take the materials from the other man's hands, his movements cautious. "How are you feeling?" The question was perhaps only a fraction more friendly than clinical - Jackson had only just started warming up to the idea that Kane was actually good for Abby. He was more than a little protective of her, even though she didn't need it. Abby was the closest Jackson had to family anymore, and he wasn't going to lose her; nor was he going to sit by and watch her get hurt if he could do something to stop it.

Finishing cleaning one wrist, Jackson moved on to the other, his touch gentle. He'd been doing this for several years now, and liked to think he was rather a good doctor. When his judgement wasn't flawed by selfishness, anyways. "You've been doing an excellent job of keeping these clean," Jackson remarked by way of conversation, not really sure what else he could talk about without stumbling over his own words. "They should be healed in no time."

Marcus Kane - hope this is okay <3
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Marcus Kane
 Posted: Jan 11 2018, 01:24 AM
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chancellor
player: theo
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well my heart is gold
& my hands are cold
When Marcus heard footsteps behind him he turned quickly, relaxing just a bit when he recognized Jackson. He wasn't sure why he was so concerned about Abby finding him like this. It wasn't as though he was doing something wrong, not really. She kept a close eye on his wounds anyway. But whenever she treated him, he held back. There was something ingrained in him, the need to not show weakness in front of others and especially in front of Abby. Something his father had instilled in him from a young age. Pain was weakness and weakness could quickly get you killed.

"It's alright, I'm-" But the young man was already commandeering the bandages and Marcus sighed, allowing him to. Jackson would likely to a better job of wrapping his wrists back up anyway. Doing the job one handed, he'd found, wasn't incredibly easy. Especially when the hands he was using were injured. And then Abby couldn't chastise him for tending to his wounds by himself instead of going to her. She was busy enough. They both were. He didn't see much point in bothering her for something so simple when he could handle it.

Marcus clenched his jaw, brow furrowing slightly as Jackson continued cleaning out his wounds. It stung to high hell but he was well used to the feeling at this point. Well, as used to it as he could get. "I feel fine." Tired, certainly, but that was par for the course. He wasn't sure any of them had gotten a good night's rest since even before they'd hit the ground. He knew he certainly hadn't. Not since before the culling. Exhaustion had just become another part of his daily existence though, perhaps, it had been a bit worse since the City of Light.

"Well, Abby wouldn't allow any different." Marcus offered the other man a small smile. She was certainly on top of him, as she was with all her patients. She was as a good a doctor as she had been a Chancellor, just one of the many reason he loved her. And wasn't that a novel thought? Love. He loved her. It had been such a long time since he'd been in a relationship, longer since he'd actually felt so deeply for another person. But there was no mistaking it.

He knew Jackson and Abby were close. She'd been a mentor to the young man, still was. He saw the way that he followed her around. Marcus had no doubt of his abilities purely because he knew that Abby had taught him. They hadn't spent a great deal of time together but he was curious to get to know him a bit. He was certainly important to Abby and Abby was important to him. "How have you been holding up?" He knew the man had taken the chip but then, a great deal of them had either under duress or because they were in pain. He could hardly judge anyone for accepting it after everything that their people had gone through. But he also knew what it felt like, knowing what you'd done under the influence of it.

+ tag Eric Jackson
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Eric Jackson
 Posted: Jan 12 2018, 02:07 PM
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doctor
player: kef
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"Just fine," Jackson asked, one eyebrow shifting upwards curiously as he kept his gaze intently focused on the task of cleaning Kane's wounds. The doctor found it far easier to have a conversation when he wasn't actually looking at the person. Otherwise, he might find himself at a loss for words - or worse, stumbling over them like a fool. At least it was easy to talk about someone's health, their injuries. Being a doctor was easy; talking to people about anything else was not. For a brief moment, just a fraction of a second, Jackson let his gaze flick up to Kane's face, away from the wounds. Somehow, he doubted that any of them were actually even close to "fine." After all that had happened with the City of Light... Even Jackson felt more like a shell of a person now than ever before, he couldn't imagine what it might be like for Kane - all that guilt, all that remorse.

The older man's words brought a ghost of a smile to Jackson's face. "No, she wouldn't," he agreed, his tone far lighter than it had been as of yet. Abby meant the world to Jackson, and the fact that he had had a hand in forcing her to take the chip... it broke him far more than anything else. She was the one person who had always been there for him since his mother's death, and he had betrayed her. Jackson hoped that Abby could forgive him. Really forgive him, not just say she had and pretend like nothing had happened, a wound deep inside still festering with resentment. Jackson couldn't handle a world in which Abby hated him. Again, his eyes flicked up to the other man's face - a habit of kindness grown from working as a doctor, ensuring his patient was still doing alright. Kane didn't look like he was in pain - at least not enough to really show on his face. The way the man's jaw was clenched, Jackson could only assume there was some discomfort, but that was to be expected. Especially with injuries like these. "Have you seen her?" The question almost sounded weak coming from Jackson's lips. He was worried about her - wasn't he always? - but he didn't want to burden her with his concern.

Kane's question took Jackson by surprise. His hands paused, ceasing their work, for a moment or two as he swallowed hard. Exhaling slowly, Jackson licked his lips as he started his task once more. As he finished cleaning one wound, he reached for the bandage to wrap Kane's wrist, his touch remaining gentle. "Better," he admitted quietly, reluctantly. Jackson was afraid to admit how different he felt now, how changed he had been by the recent events. He swallowed against the lump that was forming in this throat. "I, um," he started, then stopped. Jackson didn't know how to talk about it. He didn't want to admit that he had been weak, that he was a failure. He didn't want to admit that he was terrified of what was coming next, or that he really wasn't holding it all together quite as well as he wished he was. He didn't want to admit that sometimes his mind wandered away from his job, away from the most important thing in his life, to think about just one person. Jackson wasn't even sure he could say any of that out loud, especially to someone like Marcus Kane.

Lifting his gaze to the other man's face, Jackson felt his brow crease slightly, a frown on his lips. The man standing in front of him was courageous, resilient, brave. Jackson was none of those things, of that, he was sure. "I'm just glad w-we're going back to...to normal," he ventured. Normal on the ground, though, wasn't anything to be glad for, really. It tended to be rife with danger, death, destruction. "Um, is...is it true?" The question slipped out before Jackson really thought about it - dangerous, of course, and hardly like him at all, but he was worried, and curious, to say the very least. "About... A-about the radiation, I mean...," he elaborated, sure his question hardly made any sense. Jackson had overheard bits and pieces of conversation, but that was all. He tried his best not to listen in, but the tone of Abby's voice was hard to mistake, hard not to listen to.

Marcus Kane - mm angst
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Marcus Kane
 Posted: Feb 8 2018, 12:24 PM
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chancellor
player: theo
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well my heart is gold
& my hands are cold
"Fine is about all I can give you." Fine was about as good as any of them were going to get for at least the next few months, he wagered. After the City of Light they were all recovering and they didn't have time to do so properly, not with the death wave fast approaching and little hope of saving all of their people. But Jackson didn't need to know about all that, didn't need to know what the odds were. Nobody needed to know just yet. That was his burden to bear along with the few who already did know, who were their best chance of survival. The kids- no, not kids anymore -were on their way to the bunker right now and if all went well, they'd be able to move their people there. But he knew better than to hinge his hope on the first solution they found. He was a realist, always had been. And his instinct told him it wouldn't be a solution, but there was still a part of him that wanted to believe it would be.

At the young man's question, Marcus gave a slight nod. He'd left Abby in Polis, where she was still helping to tend to the wounded after everything that had happened. He needed to return, once he ensured that things were running smoothly here in Arcadia, to assist with the political efforts by the clans. The most important thing he could do was keep their place as the thirteenth clan and ensure their people's safety. If they didn't survive the months before the death wave, there was little point in searching for salvation. "I have. She's doing well." Again, as well as could be expected. They were both still recovering from their wounds. Him from the cross and the explosion, her from what had happened in the throne room. But it was less the physical and more the emotional toll that he was concerned about. For both of them.

"That's good to hear." Better was good. Better meant progress. But Marcus could see that something was still troubling the young man, not that that was surprising. He was still haunted himself by what had happened. They all were. He saw it written across people's faces every day. They were all recovering, all trying to move forwards, all trying to forgive and forget. Well, most of them. Marcus also knew that there was a large faction of the grounders that didn't look on them kindly, who blamed them for what had happened. He couldn't rightly say it wasn't there fault when it came down to it. Thelonious had brought ALIE to them all, whether he'd meant to or not.

Marcus gave a slight nod. "We'll get there." Normal. Wasn't that a funny thing to consider. It was all relative, anyway. Nothing had been normal since they'd hit the ground. At Jackson's next question, Marcus looked up to him again. He should've known that he might hear something. He might not have been right at the center of it all, but he was at the outskirts. Close to some of the people who knew. Abby especially. He could have lied, tried to anyway, but Abby trusted him. "...Radiation levels are rising. We're looking into solutions presently. We'll find a way." They always did.

+ tag Eric Jackson
+ notes marcus has been getting better at this talking to people thing slowly but surely as the seasons progress XD
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Eric Jackson
 Posted: Feb 21 2018, 03:59 PM
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doctor
player: kef
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Jackson knew no one was actually doing well. That didn't mean he didn't hope for it, though. At the very least, he had been hoping for something along the lines of "better," or maybe even "improving," or "I've been worse." Jackson still didn't lift his eyes to look at the other man's face, though. He didn't want Kane to see the glimmer disappointment in his eyes. Just because he could hide it from his features didn't mean it wouldn't still be obvious in his eyes. It took far more concentration than Jackson had at the moment to hide all traces of what he was feeling. It didn't matter what the emotion was, he needed to be focused to be able to hide it from patients, Kane being one of them. When the occasion called for it, he would even hide his feelings from Abby - sometimes she needed him to be strong, even when he wasn't. He would do anything for her. Letting out a quiet breath, Jackson finally nodded - it felt like it had been a long while, but it had only been a moment. "No one seems to be doing much better," he commented blandly, trying not to sound too worried about it, but he was. Jackson cared a great deal about his people. All of them. He was a doctor, after all; it was his job to care about them all. He tried not to let people realize how much he cared, though.

At the older man's words, Jackson finally lifted his gaze to look at Kane. There was a skepticism in the way he eyed him, the way one eyebrow twitched just slightly upwards for a moment before settling back down. When it came to talking about Abby, about her welfare, it was much, much harder for Jackson to hide how much he cared. Thankfully, he trusted that Kane likely felt much the same, that he cared very deeply for Abby. He was still learning to trust the man who had very nearly floated her not all that long ago, but it was growing slowly easier. Abby was convinced that Kane was a good man; Jackson was just trying to watch out for her. "Good. I'm glad to hear it." The words felt a little stiff as they left his lips, but he meant them nonetheless. "Is she going to be returning soon," he asked, unable to hide the tiny waver in his voice that spoke of his desire to see her home safe, to check on her himself and make sure she was actually doing well. He wanted to hug her, to tell her he was sorry for everything he had done after taking the chip. He owed her that much.

Sometimes he wondered if he was actually doing better, as he said he was, or if he was just lying, faking it for everyone else so they wouldn't worry that the person taking care of them wasn't at one hundred percent. Maybe he was just pretending so no one would worry about him because he didn't want them to. Maybe it was simply because if he kept pretending long enough, he would convince everyone it was true, even himself. "Yea," was all he could muster in response, the word light, breathy. A humorless laugh accompanied it, and he swallowed the lump in his throat. Given enough time, Jackson believed things really would get better. Not just a little better, but actually better. Well, if they survived the radiation people were whispering about.

A weak smile tugged the corners of his lips upwards. "We will." Jackson had no doubt about it: Arkadia would be back to normal before too long. Normal, of course, being still new and strange for many of them. They had had three months, though, of stability before things had started slipping downhill into chaos all over again. The descent had been rapid, and now here they were, whispers of radiation levels rising rolling through Arkadia. Jackson was pretty sure they were still counting the dead from the City of Light, too. There was a touch of fear behind his words as he asked Kane about the rumors, desperately hoping they weren't true, but knowing they likely were considering the kind of luck they seemed to have on Earth.

Jackson felt his stomach drop at Kane's confirmation, though. No amount of preparation could have readied him for that. None. Knowing it was coming hadn't done anything. Jackson stood, silent, for a moment or two. Then he nodded, inhaling deeply through his nose. "Right." The word was soft, just hardly a breath. When his eyes focused again on Kane's face, he nodded again. "If there's anything I can do to help...," the offer felt weak, hollow. Jackson felt like he was really incapable of doing anything to help. He could hardly fight, and without proper medication, it wasn't as if he could do anything to help fight against radiation poisoning. He wanted to help, though. He just didn't know how. "Do we know how long we have?" The tone of his voice changed, a little more professional, hiding his fear away from Kane's ears. Being afraid wasn't going to help anyone.

Marcus Kane - WOW I TOOK WAY TOO LONG WITH THIS IM SO SORRY
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Marcus Kane
 Posted: May 3 2018, 12:42 PM
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chancellor
player: theo
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well my heart is gold
& my hands are cold
"It'll take time...but we'll come back from this." It hadn't been long. Not nearly long enough for their people to recover from what had happened. It wouldn't just take a few days or a few weeks. But then, that was time that they didn't have now. They didn't have any to spare and only a select few actually knew that. It seemed like trial after trial was being thrown at them. He'd barely had a chance to catch his breath since they'd hit the ground. Even before that. It had been non-stop on the Ark as well. Tensions were high, stakes were higher. But he'd been raised in an unforgiving environment, an unforgiving world, and been thrown into another. A great deal had changed but in the end, not much had when it really came down to it. They were still struggling to survive, to make sure that the human race continued.

Marcus could see the skepticism written across the younger man's face. Rightfully so. He knew how much Jackson cared for Abby, appreciated him looking out for her when he couldn't himself. And the truth was that she was doing as well as she could have been. They all were. They couldn't take time for themselves right now, time to recover. It was a luxury they didn't have and, as he'd done so many times before, he was pushing everything to the side and focusing on what was important. Saving their people. It always came down to that. He was just a small piece of a much larger goal and his personal issues could wait. They would have to. And so would Abby's.

"In a few day's time. She's treating some patients in Polis but once I return she'll head back here." The time apart was hardly ideal but it was necessary. They needed someone in Polis to keep the peace with the other clans and someone in Arkadia to lead their people. And after what Thelonious had done, he was hardly in a state to lead. The man was a friend, always had been, but he couldn't be trusted at the moment. He'd changed. They all had. And Marcus wanted to believe he had their people's best interest in mind but he couldn't be certain of that. So, it was himself, Abby, and Clarke who was really beginning to come into her own as a leader difficult as it was for her mother to accept.

His fingers dragged lightly over the fresh bandages, examining them for a moment before he looked back up at the other man. "None of this leaves this room, obviously. We're waiting to find a feasible solution before we release this information to the public. The last thing we need is widespread panic." Because that was what would happen. People would panic, people would get desperate, and then they would make stupid decisions. It had happened before and it would happen again. "It looks like roughly six months." Marcus watched Jackson, meeting his gaze. "I need to know that I can trust you with this, that you'll keep this in confidence."

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Eric Jackson
 Posted: May 19 2018, 12:23 PM
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doctor
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Of course they would come back from this. They always did. That was one of the greatest strengths of their people. They were always pushing forward, slogging through hardship like it was nothing. They all seemed to have the weight of the world on their shoulders. All of them. Maybe it would have been better - even just a little - if they all relied on each other a little bit more. It wasn't like they didn't understand one another. Somehow, though, it seemed like no one was willing to admit how much they were hurting. Not to anyone else. Maybe that was all because of the City of Light. Everyone already knew everyone else was in a lot of pain, and they just didn't want to talk about it. It was going to take time to heal, to move past this devastation, but Jackson knew they could do it. They'd done it before, they would do it again, and they could do it now.

It took all his willpower not to snap at Kane. Abby should be here, with her people. Now. She shouldn't have stayed in Polis. Instead, however, Jackson simply inhaled sharply through his nose, standing up a little straighter. It wouldn't have surprised him if Kane was able to guess the words unspoken. "She'll be travelling with a guard, I take it?" There was a hint of vitriol in his voice. Jackson didn't entirely trust Kane do to what was best for Abby - he hadn't entirely proven himself worthy of her. Not yet. Jackson was trying to give him the chance, but he couldn't help but to be protective of the woman. She was, after all, the only family he really had left anymore, and she wasn't even technically family.

Even if he was worrying about Abby, though, Jackson had to be kinder, more... accepting of Kane. He'd seen the way Abby looked at the man. Maybe that was why he shifted his tone so much with the conversation. It wasn't just because he was curious about the inevitable Death Wave that was heading their way. He nodded in response to Kane's words. Of course he would keep it a secret. He was a doctor; confidentiality was something he was very, very good at. Jackson couldn't help but to wonder how long it would be before they actually had a feasible solution to this issue. It wasn't a little problem. This was the Ark being incapable of sustaining life for longer than another month, this was breaking back into the original stations and hurtling to Earth. There was no guarantee they would all survive; there was no guarantee any of them would survive. And yet, Kane was still bent on keeping the news from everyone. Just like on the Ark. Nothing had changed, they'd learned nothing.

"Six months," he breathed, clearly not surprised by how little time they had left. It was still better than the one or two months they'd had on the Ark. It wasn't a lot of time, but it might be enough. Jackson was a little taken aback by Kane's words. How could he not trust him? Given the way Jackson cared so much about Abby, and the fact that he was a doctor, not to mention that he'd never breathed a word of any of the other plans to anyone - including sending the Delinquents to the ground - Jackson believed he was more than worthy of Kane's trust. Clearly, Kane thought otherwise. "Of course I will." There was a reassuring sound to the doctor's voice, but it didn't quite hide the sting of hurt that Kane had felt the need to say as much.

Marcus Kane - sorry about this mess

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